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On the outside looking in: what social media looks like to a non-user

Image by dole777

All images courtesy of Unsplash

You’re sitting down, working, watching t.v, reading the paper or talking to a friend. In the corner of your eye, a light appears. Facebook: Joe commented on your post. You pick up the phone and read the comment.
 
Then another notification pops up. A WhatsApp message. You reply, and put your phone back down.
 
Five minutes later, Instagram flashes up.
 
Then Snapchat.
 
Then Twitter.
 
You’ve now stopped whatever you were doing, engrossed by the messages on your phone.

Most people rarely get an hour in the day when their phone doesn’t interrupt them. But this isn’t the case for me, as I have never used social media.

 
I have a Twitter acount for university, but I haven’t signed in for over a year, feeling overwhelmed by millions of users being able to find me, my name, and my posts. I allowed one friend to follow me (my only follower to this day), and began receiving requests from all her followers, which I either ignored or declined. I didn’t understand why people would follow someone they have never met.

When social media first arrived during the early 2000s with the likes of MySpace, Facebook and MSN, everything was new and exciting, the only regulation having to be at least 13 years old. I was never desperate to join social media before I was 13, and wasn’t interested after.

 
So what would make me want it now?

If Facebook was being asked this, it would probably reiterate its mission statement; giving people the power to build community and bring the world closer together.
 
It sounds idealistic, but Facebook have proven that their platform is used to do just that. Everyone has friends around the world they can’t always talk to; Facebook solves this problem. Some people aim to make change; Facebook solves this too. People like to know the latest news as soon as possible; once again, Facebook has the solution.

There were 44 million Facebook users in the UK alone in 2018, and the Pew Research Centre found it the most popular platform among Americans in the same year. But they have competition. YouTube and Twitter are the second and fifth most popular social networks in the UK. In fact, most people are likely to guess nine of the top ten - the only reasonably unknown platform being Tik Tok - and even have an account with the top six.

Facebook has been the face of social media since it launched in 2004

“So I’ve got Facebook, Instagram, WhatsApp, Snapchat, YouTube and Tumblr. That’s what I use at the moment” Marianna tells me. We’re sitting outside during a mini heat-wave in London. It’s somewhat ironic that amongst the birds, trees, sunlight and fresh air, we are discussing social media, the main cause for so many of us sitting indoors.

 

Marianna is 22 years old, and pursuing a career as a beauty therapist after moving to the UK from Cyprus in 2016. She’s used social media since she was 11, and admits it has become a part of her daily life.

 

“Even at work, my phone is on my desk. If I go to reception I can just pick it up”. A 2017 study found the average Brit looks at their phone 28 times a day - more than 10,000 times a year. “I think we’re all addicted, I think they make it in a way so that it’s addictive,” Marianna explains. “I know I’m probably addicted to Instagram, I just go on there and scroll for hours”.

 

Despite not being concerned with privacy herself, she admits there are lessons to be learned. “Once you post something online you can’t really remove it. It’s there. Even if you take it down someone’s already saved it, taken a screenshot of it, something.”

 

As she’s talking her phone begins vibrating on the table. She ignores it for a few seconds, then looks down to see her boyfriend’s name. “Sorry just one minute” she says, answering the phone.

When I was a teenager, the main reason I didn’t sign up to Facebook was because of privacy concerns. Even today, they collect users’ data, following their every move and how they interact with their friends, selling this to third party advertisers.


When the app is downloaded onto a smartphone, they have access to the battery life, signal strength, time zone, even what is being viewed through the camera to suggest different filters. They can see the messages shared between friends, and the location photos were taken in. Most people might think this is necessary to enhance the experience, but Apple prove that it’s not.

They might not be a social media company, but Apple are the largest tech company in the world, and written in black and white on their website are explanations of how they collect data without compromising on privacy. They encrypt iMessages and FaceTime calls so only the sender and recipient see the information, use random identifiers for Apple Maps to anonymise the user, fragmenting the information so they don’t know the route, and don’t sell any of the data they do collect.


Every app has to conform to their policy, which allows users to grant companies access to the device’s feature, rather than them automatically obtaining it, but how the companies use the data that is collected is down to their own policy.

Users can sign up to Instagram via Facebook, after the company bought Instagram in 2012

Someone who believes this is the way forward is Michael, whose name has been changed after asking to remain anonymous. He never had social media at school, but now aged 22, uses Instagram to promote his photography-based business.


He uses an old iPhone 6s solely for this purpose, so Instagram doesn’t collect information from his actual phone, saying “it’s creepy that they could work out you were looking at shoes and then you’ll see an ad for shoes”.


He tells me that his school’s lessons on cyberbullying and privacy policies led to his original decision to stay away from social media. “They talked a lot about cyberbullying, and how people can hurt you, and like, just generally make you feel bad”.


Ofcom found one in five 12 to 15 year olds have experienced bullying, with one in eight bullied on social media. But as he and his friends didn’t use Facebook, he’s not sure if anyone was cyber-bullied in his year group. “I know people were bullied in school, like face to face, so I don’t know if that extended online as well, but people were always getting into punching fights”.


He speaks in a monotonous tone, explaining why cyberbullying is worse than the physical kind. “If someone punches you you can put ice on it, but cyberbullying can get inside your head, and just take over because it can lead to things like anxiety and depression. A physical fight can’t do that. It’s just a cut, it’s just a scratch, and you’ll get better.”

When Marianna ends her call with her boyfriend, she sits back down opposite me. “Ok, what were we talking about?” forgetting where we left off after only a few minutes on the phone. Once we’re back on track, she begins talking about WhatsApp and Facebook Messenger, which she uses more than traditional SMS texts. “With a text you can’t see if the person’s read it, unless you have iMessage,” she explains, liking WhatsApp’s feature that notifies contacts when you’re online, and when you’ve read their message.

 

The biggest reason to use these apps is because they’re free, using the phone’s internet connection to send messages and make phone calls, but not everyone, including myself, uses it. “A lot of people don’t use WhatsApp, so I’ll just message them from Messenger,” Marianna says.

 

But everyone that has these apps has a mobile phone, so couldn’t everyone use texts instead?

I asked her how many messages she would receive from all these apps in a day. “I wouldn’t say like every minute I’m probably not as bad as Kassie, but I do get a few messages a day, mostly from Instagram and Messenger.”

Kassie is Marianna’s 19 year old sister, who I had the chance to talk to a couple of days later. She works as a teaching assistant in a nursery back in Cyprus, but even when she’s working, her phone doesn’t stop buzzing.

 

“I get a message from Messenger every five minutes. Instagram, maybe like three times a day, but it’s mostly Messenger.” Just listening to her made my heart rate rise. I couldn’t imagine receiving that many messages, and having to respond to each of them.

Kelly and Anton are parents to two year old Zach, and are expecting a little girl in August. They have full-time jobs as a facilities manager and a mechanic, but parenting seems to come naturally to both of them.


I had the chance to speak to them one evening after they put Zach down for the night. After explaining how she only uses Facebook and Instagram - not understanding the point of Twitter and Snapchat - Kelly realised that she uses WhatsApp to talk to everyone except her husband.

“I think it’s because we don’t usually need to know if one of us has read the message” Anton said.

“No it’s not that,” Kelly says, explaining Anton is part of a lads group chat. “There’s nine boys in it, and all they do is message each other stupid photos, his WhatsApp is just mental. So if I were to send Anton a WhatsApp, my one WhatsApp would get lost in his group chat, so he wouldn’t read it.” I understand her logic after witnessing people’s phones constantly light up with group chat messages, wondering how they cope.

As parents, they also expressed their concerns about educating children on online safety. “I think if they got taught how to be smart on social media, I feel like it would need to be told later, because the later it gets told, the less involvement you’re giving the child. If you tell a child about something, they want to do it.” Anton explained.

“But primary school scares me, because I’d like to think there’s some kids in primary school that have never heard of Snapchat, or the rarer ones,” Kelly admits. It’s a nice thought, but kids pick up on more than we give them credit for. Kelly and Anton both use social media everyday, so there’s a chance Zach knows the word Instagram already.

Empty Classroom

Schools have started educating children on how to stay safe online, but there's debate over what age this should be taught

They joined Facebook in 2007 when they were 19, the same age they started dating, but admit it’s unlikely Zach would be able to wait that long.


“The pressure around kids in school these days, if one person doesn’t have it - I don’t know, I don’t want him to be singled out for not having social media, but I would hate him to have it. I would need his password so I can log in and monitor his posts.” Kelly laughs admitting she would be ‘that’ mum.


“But I’m a hundred percent petrified because I know that social media has changed, even in the 10 years or so that I’ve been using it. When I first joined Facebook it was just all nice things. Now there’s so much bullying, there’s so much competition, it’s just so much pressure.”

I was aware of this pressure at school. A number of my friends tried to make me join Instagram because I enjoyed photography, but I argued that once I post a photo it belongs to Facebook, and anyone could use it without my permission.


Another friend also promised by the end of the school year I would be on a social media platform. When July came around, she had disabled her Facebook account, and deleted Snapchat.

Anton was scrolling through Instagram on his phone as I spoke to Kelly, who told me she often falls into the “Instagram hole”, intending to briefly check the app, only to put her phone down an hour later. But despite the addictive traits of social media working on them, they are extremely aware of its dangers, and are concerned about how it will change as Zach grows up.

“Have you ever watched Black Mirror?” Anton asked me. I hadn’t, and he began explaining an episode called Nosedive, which follows the main character, Lacie, in a world where people’s social status is decided by a ranking system, where people rate their interaction with others. Lacie ends up obsessing over her ratings to move up the classes, and Kelly explains that as her score increases, she’s able to buy certain things in life. “Like you can buy a certain house or property on a street because you have a certain social media score. I genuinely think that’s the way social media will be.”

Considering George Orwell and Ray Bradbury attempted to predict the future in their sci-fi novels 1984 and Fahrenheit 451 around 70 years ago, it’s unsurprising television and film are doing the same. Black Mirror’s attempt at predicting the future manipulates the number-orientated world of social media, Kelly mentioning that when she first joined Facebook, it was about how many friends you had.


“It was a number game” Anton added, and this hasn’t disappeared, with Instagram users constantly comparing the number of followers they have, or likes they receive on a photo. I have often overheard teenagers and adults discuss their follower count, and wonder what it actually means in reality.

Michael currently has 50 followers, after joining only a month ago, whilst Marianna has 226. When I asked Kassie, she said “a thousand and something? I don’t know, something like that”, waving her hand around as if she doesn’t care. But she has exactly 1,498 followers.


She must care. She posts pictures mostly of herself and friends, and uses Instagram stories (which Marianna explained to me) to inform her followers on what she’s been doing throughout the day, sharing her life with all 1,498 of them.

“I’m terrible with a lot of my friends” Kelly says. “I don’t necessarily text them, or if I’ve not spoken to them for a couple of months I’m terrible for just being like, ‘oh how are you hope you’re good’ kind of thing. Whereas it’s a good way to just - ”

Anton cuts her off and laughs. “Not speak to each other?”

“It’s a good way to not speak to people but still know what each other are doing in our lives. To still know that they’re ok and see what they’re up to without having a conversation,” explains Kelly.

Does this not prove Facebook’s mission to “bring the world closer together” has been successful? People that might not have stayed in touch if they didn’t have a platform to do so, have.

 

Kelly and Anton have kept in contact with old school friends through Facebook, whilst Kassie met up with her friends in Sheffield because she still speaks to them on Instagram. If there’s one thing social media is good at, it’s this, and often makes me think about signing up.

“It can also enrich your life with fun things,” Anton explains, discovering Peppa Pig World from mums Kelly follows on Instagram. “That’s one of the things we’ve now organised because Zach would enjoy it”.

 

Many people use Instagram for the same purpose, but other than recommending family activities, it also forms trends and ‘Instagrammable’ places to visit, one aspect of the platform I have struggled to understand. The idea of going somewhere for the main purpose of taking Instagram-worthy photos, rather than for what the event has to offer, doesn’t make much sense. It’s a new form of socialising that Instagram has created, weaving itself into aspects of our lives that never used to require it.

Social media users often get too focused on the number of likes or followers they have, which has been shown to impact their mental health

Michael emailed me a few weeks after I met with him, informing me he deleted Instagram after Facebook automatically made him a page when he tried creating a business Instagram account. To access the page he had to create a Facebook profile, where his name, birthday, gender, phone number and a passport-style photo are mandatory. Knowing this information won’t be protected, Michael refused to sign up, and deleted Instagram in the hope of removing the Facebook page with it.

If someone wants to delete a Facebook page but don’t have an account, Facebook suggests asking a friend who does to do it for them. There’s no ‘contact us’ page, email address, or customer service phone number, only a help centre that doesn’t answer every question.


Michael became associated with a platform he had no intention of joining, and with no easy way to solve the issue through Instagram, felt Facebook had pushed him into a corner.

It seems privacy policies need to change, but Kelly suggested an improvement to how platforms are used. “If you could put a word in you don’t have to see, that would maybe filter a lot of things out,” she explained. “I’d like to think you would be able to do that”.

But Marianna didn’t think anything needed changing. “But maybe I need to limit myself from using it too much,” she laughs, saying the only reason she would stop using social media would be if there was an apocalypse. It’s engrained into her life so much that she can’t imagine living without it. But 12 years ago, she did.

I sit at my laptop and Google Facebook. I click on their site, and read ‘sign up’. They ask for my full name, email, gender and birthday. Why do they need my birthday? “To make sure you get the right Facebook experience for your age” Facebook says.


I make a new tab and Google Instagram. I click on their site, and read ‘sign up’. They ask for my full name, email, a username and password. I pause, watching the vibrant pictures to the left of the screen change and draw me into their world.

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